Certain things I hate
and shrink from; but I try to avoid, even in thought, such words as
vice and crime; the murderer could not help himself, and the saint
has no merit in his sanctity. Does all this seem horrible to you?"
Maud raised her eyes, and looked steadily at him, but did not speak.
It was the gaze of one who tries humbly to understand, and longs to
sympathise. But there was a shadow of something like fear upon her
face.
Waymark spoke with more earnestness.
"You will not think me incapable of what we call noble thought and
feeling? I have in me the elements of an enthusiast; they might have
led me to strange developments, but for that cold, critical spirit
which makes me so intensely self-conscious. This restless scepticism
has often been to me a torment in something the same way as that
burden of which you speak. Often, often, I would so gladly surrender
myself to my instincts of passion and delight. I may change; I may
perhaps some day attain rest in an absolute ideal. If I do, it will
be through the help of one who shall become to me that ideal
personified, who shall embody all the purer elements of my nature,
and speak to me as with the voice of my own soul.
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