I am
naturally reticent and retiring--too much so, I dare say--and no
misery could have been devised for me more dreadful than this. Her
accusations are atrocious, such as could only come from a grossly
impure mind, or at the suggestion of vile creatures. You she hates
with a rabid hatred--God only knows why. She would hate any one
who was my friend, and whose society relieved me for a moment from
my ghastly torments!"
He ceased for very exhaustion, so terribly did the things he
described work upon him.
"What am I to do, Waymark? Can you give me advice?"
Waymark had listened with his eyes cast down, and he was silent for
some time after Julian ceased.
"You couldn't well ask for advice in a more difficult case," he said
at length. "There's nothing for it but to strengthen yourself and
endure. Force yourself into work. Try to forget her when she is out
of sight."
"But," broke in Julian, "this amounts to a sentence of death! What
of the life before me, of the years I shall have to spend with her?
Work, forget myself, forget her,--that is just what I _cannot_ do!
My nerves are getting weaker every day; I am beginning to have fits
of trembling and horrible palpitation; my dreams are hideous with
vague apprehensions, only to be realised when I wake.
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