To
begin with, she took subordinate work in the school where she had
been a pupil; later, she obtained the engagement at Dr. Tootle's.
An education of this kind, working upon Maud Enderby's natural
temperament, resulted in an abnormal character, the chief trait of
which was remarkable as being in contradiction to the spirit of her
time. She was oppressed with the consciousness of sin. Every most
natural impulse of her own heart she regarded as a temptation to be
resisted with all her strength. Her ideal was the same as Miss
Bygrave's, but she could not pursue it with the latter's assured
calm; at every moment the voice of her youth spoke within her, and
became to her the voice of the enemy. Her faith was scarcely capable
of formulation in creeds; her sins were not of omission or
commission in the literal sense; it was an attitude of soul which
she sought to attain, though ever falling away. What little she saw
of the world in London, and afterwards at her home by the sea-side,
only served to increase the trouble of her conscience, by making her
more aware of her own weakness. For instance, the matter of her
correspondence with Waymark. In very truth, the chief reason why she
had given him the permission he asked of her was, that before so
sudden and unexpected a demand she found herself confused and
helpless; had she been able to reflect, the temptation would
probably have been resisted, for the pleasantness of the thought
made her regard it as a grave temptation.
Pages:
259
260
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275
276
277
278
279
280
281
282
283