Between then and now, if I have
discovered little good either in myself or in others, I have learned
by heart everything that is bad in the world. Nothing in meanness or
vileness or wretchedness is a secret to me. Compare me with other
girls of nineteen--perhaps still at school. What sort of a
companion should I be for one of those, I wonder! What strange
thoughts I should have, if ever I talked with such a girl; how old I
should feel myself beside her!"
"Your knowledge is better in my eyes than their ignorance. My ideal
woman is the one who, knowing every darkest secret of life, keeps
yet a pure mind--as you do, Ida."
She was silent so long that Waymark spoke again.
"Your mother died when you were eleven!"
"Yes, and that was when my life began. My mother was very poor, but
she managed to send me to a pretty good school. But for that, my
life would have been very different; I should not have understood
myself as well as I always have done. Poor mother,--good, good
mother! Oh, if I could but have her now, and thank her for all her
love, and give her but one year of quiet happiness. To think that I
can see her as if she were standing before me, and yet that she is
gone, is nowhere, never to be brought back to me if I break my heart
with longing!"
Tears stood in her eyes.
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