A refined and virtuous woman had
hitherto existed for him merely in the sanctuary of his imagination;
he had known not one such. If he passed one in the street, the
effect of the momentary proximity was only to embitter his thoughts,
by reminding him of the hopeless gulf fixed between his world and
that in which such creatures had their being. In revenge, he tried
to soil the purity of his ideals; would have persuaded himself that
the difference between the two spheres was merely in externals, that
he was imposed upon by wealth, education, and superficial refinement
of manners. Happily he had never really succeeded in thus deceiving
himself, and the effort had only served to aggravate his miseries.
The habit of mind, however, had shown itself in the earlier stages
of his acquaintance with Miss Enderby. The first sight of her had
moved him somewhat, but scarcely with any foreshadowing of serious
emotion. He felt that she was different from any woman with whom he
had ever stood on an equal footing; but, at the same time, the very
possibility of establishing more or less intimate relations with her
made him distrustful of his judgment. In spite of himself, he tried
to disparage her qualities.
Pages:
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167