She had caused
her mother bitter suffering, and her own heart was filled with a
commensurate pain. Had she been a little older she would already
have been troubled by another anxiety; for the last two years her
mother's health had been falling away; every now and then had come a
fit of illness, and at other times Lotty suffered from a depression
of spirits which left her no energy to move about. Ida knew that her
mother was often unhappy, but naturally could not dwell long on this
as soon as each successive occasion had passed away. Indeed, in her
heart, she almost welcomed such times, since she was then allowed to
sleep upstairs, one of her greatest joys. Lotty was only too well
aware of the physical weakness which was gaining upon her. She was
mentally troubled, moreover. Ida was growing up; there would come a
time, and that very shortly, when it would be necessary either for
them to part, or else for herself to change her mode of life.
Indeed, she had never from the first quite lost sight of her
intention to seek for an honest means of support; and of late years
the consciousness of her hopeless position had grown to an
ever-recurring trouble. She knew the proposed step was in reality
impossible to her, yet she persistently thought and talked of it.
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