The remembrance of former days came strongly before
me, and in thus again publicly manifesting the intent of my heart, I felt
the comfort of being no stranger to that Hand, which, as it once fed me
with milk, seemed to me now after a long night season, feeding me with
meat."
After her return home, she writes: "Opened my mouth in Darlington
meeting, on First-day afternoon. A mountain in prospect! The meetings
now became very interesting to me, and as the reward of what I was
induced to believe was faithfulness, often greatly refreshing."
In the course of this year, she lost her eldest son, a child of great
promise, and the suffering attendant upon this deep sorrow, in addition
to close mental baptism, at times greatly prostrated her physical powers.
11th Month 4th, 1820, we find the following-memorandum: "'Oh how great is
Thy goodness which Thou hast laid up for them that fear Thee, which Thou
hast wrought for them that trust in Thee before the sons of men.' In
looking back to the last two or three months, I feel I may adopt this
language: in them I have known the greatest portion of suffering that it
has yet been my lot to taste."
3rd Month, 1822. She writes, "In the afternoon meeting, a subject seemed
so clear before me, that I ventured to speak; but oh! the evil of my
heart, the consciousness of having, or supposing I had, chosen my words
well, was like the fly in the ointment of the apothecary, the baneful
effects of which, I felt many days after.
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