In her journal she
writes:--"My thoughts have been this week, one continued castle in the
air of being an artist; the only reality they were built on, was my
having painted in oils better than I thought I could, and a feeling that
I shall in a little time succeed, and an unbounded ambition to do so. I
have had many arguments with myself, to know if it would be right. I
think it would, if I could make good use of it."
But gradually she found that no object which had this world for its
limit, could satisfy the cravings of an immortal soul. She began to feel
that she was formed for higher purposes than the gratification of self in
its most refined and plausible form, and in 1806, we note the gradual
unfolding of that change of view, which through the operation of the Holy
Spirit, led her to the unreserved surrender of her whole being to the
service of her Lord;--a surrender that in so remarkable a manner marked
her unwavering path through the remaining portion of her dedicated life.
Speaking of this period, after her first attendance of the Yearly
Meeting, she says,--
July, 1806. "This time, for almost the first in my life, I seem come to
a stand in the objects of my darling pursuits, which I may say have been
almost entirely the pursuit of pleasure, through the medium of the
understanding.
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