She felt herself to be a great sinner, needing a Saviour's
gracious pardon; and for a long time feared she never should obtain that
forgiveness, she so earnestly longed for. But though her faith was
feeble, she endeavoured to lay hold of encouragement from the mercy
extended to the Prodigal Son, and to the Thief upon the cross, hoping
that the same mercy might be extended to herself; but for a long time,
her poor tossed and tried mind "could find nothing to lean upon." She
remarked, she could not feel that she had sinned against her
fellow-creatures, but that she could adopt the words of the Psalmist:
"Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned," saying, "I feel that I have
nothing to build upon, and that I want every thing; I am not prepared to
die, I want all my sins to be forgiven; I hope I shall not be taken till
the work be fully accomplished." The whole of the 51st Psalm, she said,
seemed to suit her case, and with solemnity repeated, "'Create in me a
clean heart, oh God! and renew a right spirit within me.' If I am saved,
it will indeed be at the eleventh hour, I have been such a sinner."
Thus did the Spirit of Truth search all things, and bring this beloved
friend sensibly to feel, as she weightily expressed, "that at such a
solemn hour, it will not do to build upon having led a spotless and
innocent life, something more is then wanted to lean upon.
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