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Conrad, Joseph, 1857-1924

"Chance"

It was cruelly
true--_to her_. The oracle of so many years had spoken finally. Only
other people did not find her out at once . . . I would not go so far as
to say she believed it altogether. That would be hardly possible. But
then haven't the most flattered, the most conceited of us their moments
of doubt? Haven't they? Well, I don't know. There may be lucky beings
in this world unable to believe any evil of themselves. For my own part
I'll tell you that once, many years ago now, it came to my knowledge that
a fellow I had been mixed up with in a certain transaction--a clever
fellow whom I really despised--was going around telling people that I was
a consummate hypocrite. He could know nothing of it. It suited his
humour to say so. I had given him no ground for that particular calumny.
Yet to this day there are moments when it comes into my mind, and
involuntarily I ask myself, 'What if it were true?' It's absurd, but it
has on one or two occasions nearly affected my conduct. And yet I was
not an impressionable ignorant young girl. I had taken the exact measure
of the fellow's utter worthlessness long before.


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