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Conrad, Joseph, 1857-1924

"Chance"

"
* * * * *
Marlow changed his tone.
"I don't know much of the psychology of self-destruction. It's a sort of
subject one has few opportunities to study closely. I knew a man once
who came to my rooms one evening, and while smoking a cigar confessed to
me moodily that he was trying to discover some graceful way of retiring
out of existence. I didn't study his case, but I had a glimpse of him
the other day at a cricket match, with some women, having a good time.
That seems a fairly reasonable attitude. Considered as a sin, it is a
case for repentance before the throne of a merciful God. But I imagine
that Flora de Barral's religion under the care of the distinguished
governess could have been nothing but outward formality. Remorse in the
sense of gnawing shame and unavailing regret is only understandable to me
when some wrong had been done to a fellow-creature. But why she, that
girl who existed on sufferance, so to speak--why she should writhe
inwardly with remorse because she had once thought of getting rid of a
life which was nothing in every respect but a curse--that I could not
understand.


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