One of them was an aunt
of mine, my only relation, who quarrelled with poor father as long as he
lived about some silly matter that had neither right nor wrong to it. She
left her money to me when she died. I used always to go and see her for
decency's sake. I had so much to do before night that I didn't know
where to begin. I felt inclined to sit down on the kerb and hold my head
in my hands. It was as if an engine had been started going under my
skull. Finally I sat down in the first cab that came along and it was a
hard matter to keep on sitting there I can tell you, while we rolled up
and down the streets, pulling up here and there, the parcels accumulating
round me and the engine in my head gathering more way every minute. The
composure of the people on the pavements was provoking to a degree, and
as to the people in shops, they were benumbed, more than half
frozen--imbecile. Funny how it affects you to be in a peculiar state of
mind: everybody that does not act up to your excitement seems so
confoundedly unfriendly. And my state of mind what with the hurry, the
worry and a growing exultation was peculiar enough.
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