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Twain, Mark, 1835-1910

"The 30,000 Dollar Bequest and Other Stories"


Pause.
Oh, gum-drops, gum-drops! But I never allow them to eat striped candy.
And of course they CAN'T, till they get their teeth, anyway.
Pause.
WHAT?
Pause.
Oh, not in the least--go right on. He's here writing--it doesn't
bother HIM.
Pause.
Very well, I'll come if I can. (ASIDE.) Dear me, how it does tire
a person's arm to hold this thing up so long! I wish she'd--
Pause.
Oh no, not at all; I LIKE to talk--but I'm afraid I'm keeping you
from your affairs.
Pause.
Visitors?
Pause.
No, we never use butter on them.
Pause.
Yes, that is a very good way; but all the cook-books say they
are very unhealthy when they are out of season. And HE doesn't
like them, anyway--especially canned.
Pause.
Oh, I think that is too high for them; we have never paid over fifty
cents a bunch.
Pause.
MUST you go? Well, GOOD-by.
Pause.
Yes, I think so. GOOD-by.
Pause.
Four o'clock, then--I'll be ready. GOOD-by.
Pause.
Thank you ever so much. GOOD-by.
Pause.
Oh, not at all!--just as fresh--WHICH? Oh, I'm glad to hear you
say that. GOOD-by.
(Hangs up the telephone and says, "Oh, it DOES tire a person's
arm so!")
A man delivers a single brutal "Good-by," and that is the end of it.
Not so with the gentle sex--I say it in their praise; they cannot
abide abruptness.



EDWARD MILLS AND GEORGE BENTON: A TALE

These two were distantly related to each other--seventh cousins,
or something of that sort.


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