He was down in the dust, in a despair
furious and more self-accusing than anything of which she had ever
conceived.
Again and again, too, although this was never deliberately stated,
she saw that he spoke like a man caught in a trap. He did not blame
any one but himself for the catastrophe of his life, but he often
spoke, in spite of himself, like a man who from the very beginning
had been under some occult influence. He never alluded now to his
early days but she remembered how he had once told her that that
"Religion" had "got" him from the very beginning, and had weighted
all the scales against him. It was as though he had said: "I was
told from the very beginning that I was to be made a fighting-ground
of. I didn't want to be that. I wasn't the man for that. I was
chosen wrongly."
He only once made any allusion to his father's death, but Maggie
very soon discovered that that was never away from his mind. "I
loved my father and I killed him," he said one day, "so I thought it
wise not to love any one again."
Gradually a picture was created in Maggie's mind, a picture
originating in that dirty, dark room where they were.
Pages:
855
856
857
858
859
860
861
862
863
864
865
866
867
868
869
870
871
872
873
874
875
876
877
878
879