He had seen nothing of her for a very long time.
He did not blame himself for this, but then he never blamed himself
for anything. A fate, often drunken and always imbecile, was to
blame for everything that he did, and he pitied himself sincerely
for having to be in the hands of such a creature. He happened to be
just now very considerably frightened about himself, more frightened
than he had been for a very long time, so frightened in fact that he
had drunk nothing for weeks. For many years he had been leading a
see-saw existence, and the see-saw had been swung by that mysterious
force known as Finance. He had a real gift for speculation, and had
he been granted from birth a large income he might have ended his
days as a Justice of the Peace and a Member of Parliament.
Unfortunately he had never had any private means, and he had never
been able to make enough by his mysterious speculations to float him
into security--"Let me once get so far," he would say to himself,
"and I am a made man." But drink, an easy tolerance of bad company,
and a rather touching conceit had combined to divorce him from so
fine a destiny.
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