And I want to come to you now. He is too strong for me. Is it really
two years ago? Surely not! I seem still to hear his speech, and
still to see him fall into your arms. I should always hear him, and
always see that. I'm afraid you won't understand me, least of all
when I say I don't feel sure that I want him back. That would mean
the fear and the shame again. But he was so marvellous. How right he
was! They followed the lead he gave them at Henstead; and even you,
dear recluse, know that there was a change of Government last year.
And I am quite rich out of the Alethea. For he was right and the
poor Professor, who was supposed to know all about it, was
absolutely, utterly, hopelessly wrong. And the Crusade's come to
nothing, and--and so on.
I wish I was convincing you; but I never did. You didn't understand
why I married him, why in face of everything I behaved pretty well
to him, why his death left everything blank to me. Nobody quite
understood, except old Aunt Maria who just quietly died as soon as
he was gone.
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