But now she wrote that her husband
was going back to New York. "He was staying out of a sense of duty
to me," she said. "But his discontent was so apparent that I had to
point out to him that he was doing harm to me as well as to himself.
"I doubt if you will want to come here now. The last of the winter
visitors have left. It is really hot, so hot that you cannot get
cool by going into the water. Yet I am revelling in it; I wear
almost nothing, and that white; and even the suspicious Dr. Perrin
cannot but admit that I am thriving; his references to pills are
purely formal.
"Lately I have not permitted myself to think much about the
situation between my husband and myself. I cannot blame him, and I
cannot blame myself, and I am trying to keep my peace of mind till
my baby is born. I have found myself following half-instinctively
the procedure you told me about; I talk to my own subconscious mind,
and to the baby--I command them to be well. I whisper to them things
that are not so very far from praying; but I don't think my poor
dear mamma would recognize it in its new scientific dress!
"But sometimes I can't help thinking of the child and its future,
and then all of a sudden my heart is ready to break with pity for
the child's father! I have the consciousness that I do not love him,
and that he has always known it--and that makes me remorseful.
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