' And the worst of it is, it would be true.
"You see the position I am in with the rest of the children. I
cannot say, 'You are spending too much of papa's money, it is wrong
for you to sign cheques and trust to his carelessness.' I have had
my share of the money, I have lined my own nest. All I can do is to
buy dresses and hats for Celeste; and know that she will use these
to fill her girl-friends with envy, and make scores of other
families live beyond their means."
5. Sylvia's pregnancy was moving to its appointed end. She wrote me
beautifully about it, much more frankly and simply than she could
have brought herself to talk. She recalled to me my own raptures,
and also, my own heartbreak. "Mary! Mary! I felt the child to-day!
Such a sensation, I could not have credited it if anyone had told
me. I almost fainted. There is something in me that wants to turn
back, that is afraid to go on with such experiences. I do not wish
to be seized in spite of myself, and made to feel things beyond my
control. I wander off down the beach, and hide myself, and cry and
cry. I think I could almost pray again."
And then again, "I am in ecstasy, because I am to bear a child, a
child of my own! Oh, wonderful, wonderful! But suddenly my ecstasy
is shot through with terror, because the father of this child is a
man I do not love.
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